should I stay or should I go now?

Took a hike through McKinney State Falls this morning. Hiking is great reflecting time, so I continued my internal interrogative as I wrote about in the previous blog. It was hard to think, as I walked through spiderweb after spiderweb, invisible. Also, getting to the Homestead Trail means crossing through the lower falls area, and wet socks do not a pleasant hike make. Plus I'm not great at following maps. I walked a quarter of a mile only to end at a maintenance area and had to backtrack. Rounding the corner, some big and brown caught my eye and I froze, thinking either bear or Blair witch. It was a buck, about twenty feet away. We looked at each other for a few seconds, then he bounced away. I could hear him walking with me for a while, out of sight.

When I got home, I rented Devil's Playground, a documentary about Amish kids during their rumspringa (German for "running or jumping around") at age 16 where they go buck-wild in the real world and try to decide whether or not they want to go back to the Amish church and be baptized. 90% did, some didn't, but all went through serious angst as they tried to decide, and they have awesome parties too. What ultimately had them by the short and curlies was a pervasive belief that they would or would not go to heaven. One girl left the church a few weeks before her wedding to her Amish boyfriend. She talked to the cameras as she showed her black wedding dress, which she said she always imagined making her feel like a queen, but now covers up the girl inside. One kid started selling crank to support his habit (this is after being a full time factory worker at age 13), informed on other dealers, and went back to the church to save his neck. Members of the church miss their cars. A lot. And the regular clothes, phones, tv, concerts, videogames, etc, all of which older members say detract from the family and the community and loss of individuality is a sacrifice you make. A handful leave the church after rejoining and are shunned for life from their family and friends. These people were teary, alone, and unable to cope with the world as they didn't go to school after 8th grade but claimed things were getting brighter.
The polarity was oppressive--everything was either this or that, right or wrong, heaven or hell, jeans or dresses.

watch this -- Amish lady asks for $50 to let this dude take her picture.


Watching this film after What the Bleep Do We Know? a few days ago on top of a hike might have been a bit taxing. I believe a nap is in order.