The Shit List, part III

I've been keeping busy and feeling pretty good lately--I have a lot to be thankful for. Nevertheless, I believe it's time for the third installment of.....The Shit List.

1) Mr. Subway Artist in the Dobie Mall--sir, I am truly sorry that you're pushing fifty and have to wait on UT kids all damn day, I really am. But if you don't want to know what kind of bread I want, don't ask--don't roll your eyes at me and sigh. I said MAYO not TOMATO, but I didn't give you attitude, and I said thank you like five times. Listen, dude--it could be worse. The only non-starving artist is the sandwich artist. Take some pride in your job. You make a good sandwich. Just lose the attitude, I got my own shit to deal with.

2) The strange lady in the Chevron parking lot who asked me if I could give her a ride right quick--I don't know you, and I don't feel like getting stabbed today. The bus'll take you anywhere you wanna go, my dear. I appreciate that you won't "be weird"--you certainly won't be in my car. Move it along.

3) The Room Store--you evil fuckers. If I was lying in bed with my husband and a clown walked past the door with no explanation other than "we gotta pay for this bed somehow," I'd be more than pissed. There'd be some what-the-fucks being yelled. Don't try and scare me into buying your shit so that I don't have to take in clown boarders. Not gonna work.

4) My older brother. Quit calling me. We're not buddies.

5) Johnny Fairplay. You are full of douchebaggery. Because TV was so horrible tonight I caught part of Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites. Whose favorite are you? I don't even watch the show and I know you're an ass. Danny Bonaduce is no prize either, but you had this coming:




6) People who post 3 line bulletins just to let you know how they're feeling. Mmhmm. Bugs you too, doesn't it?

7) Jake, buddy, you know I love you, but when you threw up in my room yesterday, I felt like Cruella DeVille. No more eating cat product, please. And you're lucky Momma's coming home tonight, or you'd be sleeping outside.