Shit List No. 4 (and then some)

1. M. Night Shyamalan. You bastard. I sacrificed 90 minutes of my afternoon to watch The Happening. I'm still not convinced it's not a comedy. What makes it worse is my undying love for Mark Wahlberg. Now I don't even know about him. Did you write this while drunk?

2. Tyra Banks. This might be a tad harsh, but you are a ridiculous, hypocritical, insane bitch. Both your shows are terrible. I'd rather watch court tv. I will not "kiss your fat ass."


3. Waiting. So I was supposed to get this sweet job, and I didn't. Hearing the ladies in charge tell me how delightful I was and how much they enjoyed meeting me did not take the sting out of this rejection.

4. The Supremely Idiotic Court for banning the death sentence for child rapists. If they don't deserve to be put down, I don't know who does. Other than equally evil people.

5. The large and elusive mystery bug that refuses to let me sleep. I'll find you, jerkface.

6. Gas prices.
6a. The fine folks at Ford who so generously are now offering employee pricing on their gas-chugging trucks. Don't try to fool me into thinking you're helping us all out in these tough times--you just can't unload the things anymore. If you wanna help me out, make my payments less.

7. Myself for not being a more positive person. For bitching. To this end, I add some non-shitty things. Happy things.
- being in a great relationship
- my awesome family and friends
- puppies
- The Colbert Report
- naps and daydreams
- Krav Maga class
- new beginnings

We like those driving behind us to know our political views.

The current state of things:
- both my bedroom and closet light bulbs burnt out today.
- I have a heat rash on my belly.
- I really need to stop drinking so much.

Turn your sound on so you can listen to Nas. Trust me, it syncs up nicely with the videos of Bush dancing below.

Sex, politics, and religion tend to bring out the most interesting discussion. Since I've already dedicated time to sex and religion, I'll give you my thoughts on the debate the other night, which took place at UT where I go to school.

I consider myself an Obamacan, despite my cynical questioning of the possibilities of Real Change. But Hillary's opening statement was off the fuckin chain, and he never seemed to regain his rhythm. She sat there and smirked her evil dragon smirk and thought about eating babies while he stumbled disjointedly through somewhat non-specific answers. Maybe I'm being too harsh about Hillary, but here's the thing--I can't let go of the notion that maybe, maybe, this is a revenge thing. Stay with me--first, do we really want a woman who can't handle her man handling the country? I'm just saying. I know that's unfair, but still. Second, what if she's just running so she can get some grudge nookie from some hapless intern? Then and only then will she and Bill truly be even.

I'm only half serious here. Unbundle your undies.

I think it's unfortunate how scrutinized the candidates are on their tone, gestures, facial expression, word choice, etc., this after weeks and months of traveling, pressure, and little sleep. Some analysts on NPR were discussing Hillary's praise of Obama this morning, how she said she was honored to be running against him. Was this sincere? Is she admitting defeat? Is she manipulating us by being nice and positive one second and letting the bitch trickle out in the next?

The famous Xerox zinger. BOOOOOO! Go think about intellectual property. All of you.


Do I think Obama might possibly get assassinated? Yes. We have a bad history with strong black leaders. Is John McCain a reanimated zombie? Yes. He has an even better chance of dying in office, but of old age. Does Ron Paul look like a muppet? Lil bit. So as you can see, I'm unsure as to who the new leader of the free world should be. In the meantime, I'm glad to see GWB is holding shit down:


Apparently the rhythm Barack had misplaced in Austin had gotten Bush again in Liberia.


Anyway, tonight I went with Mama Christie and her man to the Manchaca Fire Dept. Friday Night All You Can Eat Catfish Fry Spectacular Bonanza Jubilee. That's not the real name. They've been doing this for decades. I was nice to go to a family-oriented function for once--6th St. got old a long time ago for me. It's a similar vibe to the Friday night spaghetti dinner in my hometown, or a cajun boil, or a Mexican potluck (which my mom said they had at her school today, which I think is funny cause I don't think any Mexicans go to that school). Lots of picnic tables, a good ole boys country band made up of men whom my father is starting to resemble, kids zooming around on Heelies and old school trikes, old folks, young folks, a tin roof and a concrete floor, and all the catfish, hushpuppies, beans, slaw, and french fries you can eat or fit on a plastic plate for $10.95.

My belly is full and itchy.