Shit List No. 4 (and then some)

1. M. Night Shyamalan. You bastard. I sacrificed 90 minutes of my afternoon to watch The Happening. I'm still not convinced it's not a comedy. What makes it worse is my undying love for Mark Wahlberg. Now I don't even know about him. Did you write this while drunk?

2. Tyra Banks. This might be a tad harsh, but you are a ridiculous, hypocritical, insane bitch. Both your shows are terrible. I'd rather watch court tv. I will not "kiss your fat ass."


3. Waiting. So I was supposed to get this sweet job, and I didn't. Hearing the ladies in charge tell me how delightful I was and how much they enjoyed meeting me did not take the sting out of this rejection.

4. The Supremely Idiotic Court for banning the death sentence for child rapists. If they don't deserve to be put down, I don't know who does. Other than equally evil people.

5. The large and elusive mystery bug that refuses to let me sleep. I'll find you, jerkface.

6. Gas prices.
6a. The fine folks at Ford who so generously are now offering employee pricing on their gas-chugging trucks. Don't try to fool me into thinking you're helping us all out in these tough times--you just can't unload the things anymore. If you wanna help me out, make my payments less.

7. Myself for not being a more positive person. For bitching. To this end, I add some non-shitty things. Happy things.
- being in a great relationship
- my awesome family and friends
- puppies
- The Colbert Report
- naps and daydreams
- Krav Maga class
- new beginnings

shine a light

My house has a strange temperament that seems to cause light bulbs to burn out quickly. In addition, at least two or three burn out at a time, so we buy new bulbs fairly often. If you're like me, you stand in front of the light bulbs aisle and look back and forth between the cheap-as-dirt traditional bulbs and the more pricey and environmentally friendly, "energy-saving" bulbs. In the end, you buy the cheap ones and slink to the checkout, hoping no one judges you for not doing your part for the environment. I recycle like a madwoman, I don't buy bottled water, and I don't litter. And I turn off lights and conserve as much as I can, so why do I feel guilty for not buying these bulbs?

If you're in my same boat, there's something you should know. Please take 5 minutes and watch Rep. Ted Poe (a fine example of a Texan, one I am proud of) explain this to Congress. Then tell someone else about it.

Showdown of the Southwest Movies: There Will Be Old Men.

I'm coo-coo for acronyms.

So many months ago, Christie and I went to see a movie. "There Will Be Blood," she said. "It's won all kinds of awards. I vaguely remembered something with oil and Paul Dano screaming in a preview. We ended up at "No Country for Old Men," the flick my boyfriend wanted to see when I stubbornly dragged him to "Cloverfield" (see Moxie's Summer Entertainment Preview). I had heard virtually nothing about the actual plot, just that it was good. Perhaps "Old Men" in the title had stifled my interest. Christie and I ended up at NCFOM once she heard that TWBB was rather gorey and/or violent (it's not). A few nights ago I finally saw TWBB, so here is my analysis on the two.

Both these movies are set in the Southwest and came out last year--NCFOM especially would be great at the drive-in outside Lubbock. The panoramic shots would seem to extend beyond the silver screen, blending into the big sky and scrubby desert spiked with mesas. TWBB is based on Upton Sinclair's 1927 novel, titled "OIL!" I could see how it'd be a good novel, especially if you appreciate Sinclair, but NCFOM is clearly the winner in this killer cowboy filmfest. Here's why:

1) Actors--Daniel Day Lewis sounds like James Bond and looks like Tom Selleck (neither of these are bad). The killer in NCFOM has a horribly awesome haircut and is named Chighur (pronounced "sugar"). Paul Dano holds my heart in his teenage hands. Bottom line--Tommy Lee is the old man for which there is no country. He is wrinkly, real, perplexed, and just a good old dude who can't understand the brutality of the modern world. Oh, and if that's not enough, um...WOODY HARRELLSON's in it. Meow. Only a few men can pull off the white jeans look.

2) Weaponry--close call here, you be the judge: bowling pin or compressed air tank. I call it a tie, but (spoiler here) because Daniel Day Lewis screams "I'm finished!" after using said bowling pin on his enemy and it's the last scene, I will call it even. The air tank is fucking brilliant though.

3) References to Title--ok, a major pet peeve of mine is when actors actually say the title of the movie as part of the dialogue. Example, "Dude, Where's My Car?" TWBB is guilty, although in an unexpected way. NCFOM is the best kind of innocent. The title's meaning becomes fully clear after viewing and pondering.

4)Quotes--*note: TWBB seemed to have a lot of utterances answered with silences. Ok sometimes. NCFOM had a variety of characters from the dopey sidekick cop, the lovely but also old wife of TLJ, and the old coot who lives out in the country--all of whom avoid being cliches and carry on great dialogue.
NCFOM:
Llewelyn Moss: If I don’t come back, tell mother I love her.
Carla Jean Moss: Your mother’s dead, Llewelyn.
Llewelyn Moss: Well then I’ll tell her myself.
TWBB:
H.M. Tilford: How's your boy?
Plainview: Thank you for asking.
H.M. Tilford: Is there anything we can do?
Plainview: "Thanks for asking" is enough.

5) Female roles--pretty much aren't any in TWBB. Carla Jean in NCFOM is only person to refuse to play Chirghu's crazy mind game. Hands down.

6) Soundtrack--here TWBB has the edge. Very Kubrick-esque music, made me think of the Shining.

7) Bonus point--NCFOM involves a transponder. TWBB has a big oil fire, but NCFOM has a car chase.

Good scenes and final statements:




Final Score: No Country 6, There Will Be Milkshakes 2. Paul Thomas Anderson's epic story of family and greed is no match for the Coehns' psycho-killer and a suitcase full of money. If you need further convincing, go fill up your gas tank--I don't want to see a movie about oil.

Next time: Battle of the Bags--Baghead vs. The Strangers.