An extremely brief post from an extremely lazy writer.

Me: I started wearing brown eyeliner rather than the navy. Did you notice? I think I like it better.

Mark: Yeah it looks nice. The navy was cheesy.

I've had 25 jobs and only got fired from 1.

That's right, 25 jobs in the last 15 years. A few friends and I were talking about crappy jobs we've had recently, and I figured it was high time I got this down and really examined my employment history. Gladly the job I have now I like very much. Crissy used to be amazed at the range and variety of positions I've held, and looking over the list, it is pretty impressive--I am proud to say I am self-made and hard-working. So, join me on a jaunt down Employment Memory Lane, won't you...hope you have hiking boots.

1. Corn Detassler--what? Yes. I'm from Illinois. Here's a good description, a la Bob Wallace's blog: "Corn has to be detassled so it doesn't pollinate itself. If it does, you get weaker corn that isn't so sweet. The detassling itself consists of walking up and down rows of corn for eight hours a day, doing nothing but popping the tassels out of the corn and dropping them on the ground. If you've ever seen a row of corn, you'll find some of them are half a mile long and five to eight feet tall. Imagine eight hours a day, pop, pop, pop, in the heat and humidity of a Midwestern summer, sweating and sneezing and twitching and getting "corn rash" from brushing against the leaves, for about three weeks." We'd pile on the school bus at the ass-crack of dawn in long sleeve shirts and jeans to sweat buckets all day in the 100 degree summer sun, braving gigantic grasshoppers and an occasional corn smut attack. Sidenote--corn has a fungus on it called corn smut. It looks like green playdough. It is gross when thrown at you. Hey, $6 an hour is a lot when you're in 8th grade.
1. Marina--I worked at a marina on the Mississippi in my hometown when I was 14 with my older sister. This is like a floating gas station attached to a dock. We sold gas and snacks and bait, which meant digging night-crawlers out of a tub of dirt. I learned how to tie good knots to hold boats to the dock.
2. Red Apple--this was around 16 years old, a mom and pop diner run by a dirty Albanian who sexually harrassed his waittresses. Not a fun job, not a good time in my life.
3. Blockbuster--slightly more fun, I got 5 free movies a week. Unfortunately the store was in a horrible part of town and I worked til 11. I shrink-wrapped random objects like staplers and phones when I was bored and worked with an aspiring "actor" named Brandon. I wonder what happened to that guy...
4. Gas station 1 and 2--when I went to Northwestern for college I got a job at 2 of the 4 gas stations in the tiny town. Not at the same time. 1 was when I was a sophomore, the other when I was a senior, and after I returned from a year's stint in Texas. They were across the street from each other, and the radio station that played every night I closed always played NKOTB. I was working at the 2nd one the day the screwed up election results of 2000 came in. I also remember a sunny Sunday afternoon when I spotted about 7 of my male friends flying kites in their underwear in the soccer field across the highway.
5. The Hatchery--1 of the very few restaurants in Orange City run by a guy who was a dead-ringer for Archie Bunker and his wife. It was a tiny joint, and I usually walked with $60 most nights. I walked about 12 blocks from campus to it. Archie was the kind of guy who had no problem asking people to move to another table if he needed to push some together. There was a bartender who would smoke at the bar and I swear, she'd not exhale any smoke. It's like it just stayed in her wrinkly little body.
6. VIP Steakhouse--a "sports bar"/restaurant about 9 miles away in Sioux Center, Iowa, run by an angry Vietnamese man I could never understand who yelled a lot. Also about $60 a night. There would be a regular crowd of Nascar fans who'd show up with their gear on and pretend they were watching a real sport with athletes.
7. Product spokesperson--yeah. When I got sick of Iowa and moved to Arlington, Texas, one of the jobs I held simultaneously while also going to school was being one of those sample people you see in supermarkets. You get paid $10 an hour but it's the most mind-numbingly boring and demeaning jobs available. I hawked hair products and Swiffer. Quite often I'd smile my prettiest smile to the manager on duty and give a convincing excuse, and leave early.
8. Caravan of Dreams--a sweet job. In the heart of downtown Ft. Worth, this place had 500+ seating for live music where I spent the majority of my time cocktail waitressing for the likes of Rev. Horton Heat, Pantera, Mingo Fishtrap and other local sensations. The middle level had a theater for a regular improv troop as well as a reception/party venue with a terrace and a music room. The top level was a double level rooftop bar with a cactus garden and a waterfall. I met Harrison Ford there. He's quiet. After a tornado in 2001 or so, the Banktower building across the street shed 2 inches of glass all over the rooftop and blew out most of our windows, and the Riata people bought it from the Bass brothers and turned it into a fancy restaurant.
11. Refrigerator factory--one of many summer jobs. Probably the most intense. I was the hottest chick in the plant, simply because I still had all my teeth. I learned early on that it got so damn hot in there that underwear was a deterrent--too much sweat. I moved to graveyard shift after a few weeks of nearly dying of heat exhaustion from 8-3. I slept in my parents' dark, cool basement and they tried to be quiet during the day. There was a hole about the size of a walnut in the wall that I'd watch--when there appeared to be some light coming through that hole, I knew it was nearly time to go home. Sad. Everyone there encouraged me to stay in college, speaking from personal experience.
12. Nuclear power plant--another bullshit summer job. Another girl and I cleaned up in various areas of the plant. One time we entered the male shower area after dutifully knocking and thinking we had the all-cllear, only to come upon a naked man obliviously drying his chest hair under the hand dryer. We made a hasty retreat. It's an image I'm still trying to erase from my mind.
13. Hotel maid--you want pee-low? You want towel? Yeah, that. Lasted 2 weeks at 6.50 an hour, maybe 2 hours a day. Total waste of time. Leah and I did this together while at Northwestern. This was the one job I just never showed up again and never called in. The owner finally called me and asked if I was still working for her....uh...nah.
14. Rastrelli's--another mom and pop place. They're mostly the same. I always thought it was pretty decent Italian food. Free pizza. Not that bad, for waitressing.
15. Substitute teacher--if you can do this, you can do anything. Trust me. All grades, all subjects.
16. Cheesecake Factory--Cripes. Nazi Germany. This require completely white shoes, a white long-sleeved shirt (which sucked when you have to walk a half hour to work in the Texas heat), white pants and a white apron, which, if it wasn't properly ironed, management would make you clock out and go to the back to iron said apron to get the proper crease. I didn't really try at this job because I was so miserable, so I was lucky to get 100% rating on a secret shopping one Sunday morning. Lots of snobby N. Austin folk.
17. Real teacher--2 years in East Austin. Webb Middle School, 7th and 8th grade English. Made a lot of good friends here, but couldn't see eye to eye with administration in the light of NCLB and the heavy emphasis on TAKS testing. Honestly I probably might've been fired if I hadn't left, it upset me that much.
18. Alamo Drafthouse--possibly my favorite job, at least in the service industry. Some of the sweetest cash and best shows I've ever seen, and it was fairly easy work. I can't even go into all the good times here, it'd make the post too long.
19. Summer school teacher at a juvenile detention facility--contrary to logic, this was one of the best teaching experiences I've ever had. About a dozen high school boys, doing time from anything to robbery to rape, sat in my room and talked about literature and poetry for a few hours every day. They wrote some of the most painful and raw texts I've ever read, and were hungry for knowledge. I ate lunch in their cafeteria with them once, and offered a kid my pudding--he refused, citing possible manipulation. I ended up doing a lot of research about juvenile facility education--it's an overlooked and vital area of research. Damn my ADD--I should've done more.
20. Long term sub for a juvenile offender--Shauna spent a month in jail after beating the living shit out of a classmate. I was hired to be her bodyguard/teacher/friend for about 2 months at the end of the school year. Half the time she didn't show up, and about a quarter of the time she'd leave campus, so belligerantly crazy and angry. We did have some good conversations, and I like to think I did help her...
21. Facilitator for UT--this consisted of supervising 25 college student doing their student teacher for 2 semesters. I got the call while teaching for IRD, minus an interview--just a new instructor at UT looking for help, within the same week of being let go from the Alamo (I was out of town the opening weekend of Pirates of the Carribean, thinking I had wrote the thing on the schedule--turns out I hadn't. Boo hoo. So I guess technically I've been fired from 2 jobs.) I got to observe student teachers in kindergarten and elementary classrooms and conference with them and their teachers, trying to make them better teachers. Great job.
22. Institute of Reading Development--yet another summer job, and a good one, starting with almost 2 weeks of training in Chicago. For 10 weeks in the summer of 2007, I drove to Killeen, Waco, and Corpus Christi to teach reading courses for kids from 4 to older than me. Good fun. I especially liked the nice hotel on the beach they set me up with . Lots of work, but fun.
23. Summer Institute for the Gifted. Att UT. I taught 4 classes--Pirates Past and Present (seriously!!), Biology, Self-Defense (where my Krav Maga came in handy), and Zoology. More good fun. On the demo night, I used the UTPD dummies to show what my kids in Self-Defense had learned when it comes to kneeing an attacker in the groin, etc, and put a picture of Bush on the head area. FUN.
24. Sylvan--I'm currently at Sylvan as a director of education, so this set me up to know the job in . Tutored math and reading.
25. Director of education at Sylvan. I'm a progress manager for 77 kids currently, have regular progress conferences with their parents and sometimes classroom teachers to best help them, and handle inquiry calls, initial testing, and daily stuff. I love it.

So that's it. What have you done?

Moxie gets made into an honest woman, or, I'M ENGAGED!!

As I write this I'm very aware of an additional piece of hardware on my left ring finger, and I'm so deliciously thrilled it's hard to wrap my head around it. When Gonzo moved away from Austin my heart broke more than a little, and when Flaming Lips sang at ACL 6 months later and we stood together and breathed it in, the little spark that had never quite extinguished started getting stronger. Two years passed and I tried to keep busy with grad school and not miss him, tried to shake off the longing and the loneliness of a long distance relationship. When I moved from Austin to Lubbock for Mr. W post-graduation, things were obviously starting to get serious. When we spent hours stripping wallpaper, scrapping paint, slapping primer, slinging paint, and wanting to kill everyone in proximity, I knew I was in it for the long haul. When Marky and I drove from Texas to Illinois in one day and he spent time with my entire family, that was another whole level of love.

A few days ago, I called him as I drove home from work, knowing we had stuff to do before leaving for Austin this weekend. He told me he had a list of things and wanted me to look it over, and kept asking me what street I was on, which was kind of strange as it only takes me 10 minuutes from work to home. When I got there, he handed me the list: "pack, change oil, blah blah, ask Jen to marry me..." I half-giggled, half-shrieked, "What's this here?!" and he got down on one knee and asked me. I said yes, or might have just frantically nodded. The dogs began barking happily, and we got a little choked up as they had just had cookies and were clearly approving of this transaction, that we would now be a family for real.

I want to have Golden Years by David Bowie for our first dance. We're thinking Vegas? Maybe?

Mawwage:

Why I set off store alarms.

Oh friends. Where have I been?

Did you know Old Navy jeans set off CVS and Walgreens alarms? I've been setting them off for the last two months, which leads to the obligatory shrug and smile, after which I sometimes throw in a "I'm stealing stuff from outside." It's gone from puzzling to annoying. Tonight Honey and I went to get some chocolate ice cream (it makes us feel better about being broke), and again--beep beep beep. The frumpish cashier said she could think of several reaons why I set them off. As we continue towards the frozen foods, I thought, hey. Wait a minute. What the hell is that supposed to mean? And yes, I had had more than one glass of wine. Mark also thought it was an odd thing to say, and he often accuses me of giving the stink eye unprovoked (it's always provoked). Anyway, when we checked out, Mabel tells us that Old Navy jeans, no kidding, tend to set them off. So do certain kinds of keys. As I was wearing some ON at that very moment, I had to acquiesce. Now I know. Finally. As we were serenaded out by beep beeps, I laughed. It made my night. Fuckin jeans, man.

The job, it's good. The man, he's good. The house, it's looking a lot better. As the old joke whose punchline I can't remember says, "We might be livin on love, but we're killin the chickens."

Happy.

I could do a whole political post, but the wine and the long day are getting to me. 19 days?

Trying to get pics uploaded, we've been at 10% done the entire time it's taken me to type this. It's fall here, rainy and cloudy and sweatshirty.

BRB.

mush

Around deadtime (3am) last night, I had a horrible nightmare in which I was dying, the why and how of which I don't even want to go into. I rarely remember my dreams, but when I do, they are terribly lucid and powerful. The thing is, I was whimpering in my sleep as my horrible death went on and on until Mark woke me up. Even then, I was crying and shaking--tears come to my eyes even now remembering it. Not to be overly mushy, but it was only when he held me tight that I could stop crying and fall asleep again. He was my hero and my comfort, and I'm incredibly glad that he's in my life.

I take a lot of shit for being cynical, especially when it comes to romance, but it's not that I'm stoic or unemotional. Quite the opposite, in fact--I'm all pudding inside my hard candy shell. To prove it, I've put together some of my favorite heart-touching moments. This is by no means an exhaustive list, the order means nothing, and I'm sure there are many more romantic moments captured in film and literature, these are just the ones that came to mind.

1) Little Women--at the end, Professor Baehr comes back to give Jo the book she wrote and he published, and, thinking she had married, leaves in the rain, heartbroken. Jo runs after him and explains that it's her sister that had married and she is single. He says he has nothing to offer her, being poor, that his hands were empty. She clasps his hands in hers and says "they're not empty anymore."

2) Shrek 2--Shrek is afraid Fiona really wants the handsome prince charming, so he takes a love potion to become handsome and not an ogre, although he loves his ogre life. She has the opportunity to become and stay her beautiful human self, along with a human Shrek, but denies it, choosing instead to be herself and love him for the ogre he is.

3) Singles--"I was just nowhere near your neighborhood."

4) Virgin Suicides--High school heartthrob Trip Fontaine falls in love with Lux and sits next to her during a school assembly about hurricanes. Their hands inch closer together as the film drones on about warm and cold air masses colliding. You can feel your high-school heart beating the way it did that first time you held hands with someone when you were 14. Just when they are about to make actual contact, someone in the auditorium rips ass and the moment is shattered by embarrassment. Trip tells Lux he's going to take her out despite her strict parents, and before leaving leans over and whispers in her ear, "you're a stone fox."

5)
Some people hate a Shakespearean remake, especially starring the likes of Ethan Hawke. I think if you truly "get it," you appreciate this version--Hamlet's use of video-tape and pictures nicely reflect the applicability of Hamlet's betrayal, confusion, grief, love, hesitation, etc in the 20th century. If I could play any part of any play ever written, I'd be Ophelia, hands down.

6) Wuthering Heights has an amazing collection of heart-grabbing lines. I truly believe only a woman could capture the real power of love this way, not that men don't love too--it just would've been different if a man had written it.

"If he loved you with all the power of his soul for a whole lifetime, he couldn't love you as much as I do in a single day."

"I want to crawl to her feet, whimper to be forgiven, for loving her, for needing her more than my own life, for belonging to her more than my own soul."

"...he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

"Be with me always. Take any form, drive me mad, only do not leave me in this dark alone where I cannot find you."

7) Elephant Love Medley from Moulin Rouge. Something about Ewan MacGregor's voice. Plus this incorporates so many fantastic 80's songs, it boggles the mind. Go ahead--sing along.

Palo Duro

Lost and Found

This weekend I lost: my car key
I believe Jerry left it on the table, nevertheless it is no longer there. No worries, I found the spare. But Adam had to take me to the airport, and Jerry had to stress all weekend.

This weekend I found: my ability to breathe.
We took a good long hike in the Palo Duro Canyon, Mark and I. The wildflowers were like a carpet. I haven't felt that calm in a long time. Also found an unopened bottle of water which came in handy during the last mile.





This weekend I lost: my job.
Sadly my run at the Alamo is over, as there was some sort of deal with my request off. It sucks, and I'll miss it a little (and I'm sorry to anyone I might have screwed over by being out of town this weekend, I really am. It wasn't my fault, honest). It's cool, I was thinking about quitting anyway.

This weekend I found: an old friend in the produce aisle.
I ran in my favorite Danager (Regs) at HEB. I am kinda sad about losing my job (although I don't really need it) because it's only the second time I've ever been fired, and I've had a faffilion different jobs, from graveyard shift at a refrigerator factory to nuclear power plant janitor to teacher to you name it. Seeing Dan made me feel better.

This weekend I lost: my new cell phone battery.
Either that or it didn't come with one. I found myself in the airport this morning with two cell phones, one with a dead battery, one with no battery. I bought a ten dollar emergency phone charger. It didn't fit my phone. I returned said charger. I also had a car charger in my purse, which was no help at all.

This weekend I found: a bit of faith in humanity.
Thanks to the kindness of strangers with Nokia phones with batteries, Samgsung chargers, and laptops, I was able to contact Dana to get me from the airport, despite my dead phones.

Listen to Ivy--sexy shit.